Helping you help us to you.

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Employee safety notice

 For the record, Throne-level clearance or above is required if you wish to use any of the tunnels for the next few weeks. One of the Ourobouri has fallen into Mole hands and we will be mounting a full scale invasion to retrieve Higgins' beloved monstrosity before these filthy sightless can even enjoy a second of the unbelievable    freedom that only comes from the feeling of being miles beneath the surface at the helm of these magnificent Everworms. Rest assured, Higgins, the Creature will be home in time for sunday dinner, but by (a) God, we will be dragging mole corpses out of the cold, cold earth for weeks to come. If anyone is looking for a great time, we're accepting new Research Squad recruits and select Bodysnatcher units may be looking to fill open spots for what we're referring to as "Operation Shining Eagle 6", which promises to be our finest corporate-funded military excursion yet.  


  1. I've fetched my armaments from deep storage.

    I will be at the vanguard. My wyrm will be returned to me.

    Bounties paid will be on thumbs. Per thumb. Riches per thumb.

  2. Furthermore, any employee that brings me more than 20 pairs of mole thumbs will be exempt from the annual company job-security scavenger hunt. (If you recall, last year's "I'm going to be a whiny bitch" item was 'bring us your spouse's liver.')

    Any employee that brings me more than 100 pairs of mole thumbs will have the option of being exempt from the company Christmas party.

    That said, I will not hang up my blades again until every mole fuck has been wiped off this plane of existence.